The past few months I have had a spate of pastors reaching out seeking advice for how to deal with complaints about children in church. It is probably because school has started back up which means families are back from summer vacations and more regular in the pews again. I must admit that my response to those who complain about children in church is rather sharp. While it is true that unruly children can be a distraction during services, it is also true that this does not mean children should be segregated from the rest of the congregation. My default setting is that if a Christian is bothered enough to complain about something he or she should also be bothered enough to be a part of the solution. Complaining with no intent to help is useless for at the very least a Christian should be praying about it. To be extremely blunt, a church with no children in it is on the death slope of the life cycle, it is a congregation that is doomed to close unless children start attending.
Children are a precious gift from God. We promise at their baptisms to raise them in the faith. Sponsors promise to hold parents accountable to that promise. Children are not miniature adults, but people being formed and learning. Children make joyful noises no matter what is going on in the service. Children also cry because they are tired, hungry, or their sibling is using their favorite crayon.
When we tell families that children are not welcomed in the service, we tell families that they are not welcome at church. We tell them that while Jesus shows unending patience to sinners, that patience does not extend to those who are still learning appropriate public behaviors and expectations. We tell these families that they are a bother, a nuisance, and something that is suffered ungladly. We say the kingdom of heaven is for children, just the ones we do not have to see or hear. I imagine the response Jesus has to this attitude is not, “well done good and faithful servant,” but closer to, “but I have against you that you abandoned your first love,” and “I know your deeds; you have a reputation for being alive, yet you are dead.”
I have talked with the congregations that would cry tears of joy if a family with children attended as none had come in years. I have seen the pain and sorrow in too many eyes. Eyes that know what a congregation without children mean. Eyes that know Sunday mornings long-past in which Sunday School classrooms were full but now are long empty and Sunday School programing ended. So “let us not become weary in doing good.” There are a few easy steps that can help in these situations.
First, the congregation must have the attitude in mind that all people are welcome to attend, even those who need to wiggle (and sometimes giggle). Jesus died for children and God wants all people to “remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.” Just as He commands us to teach our children His statutes. Parishioners should engage with families of young children, including the children. Introduce yourself, talk with them, get to know them. Let them know they are welcome and their presence is desired. Put something in the bulletin and in the pews welcoming children and families.
Second, designate seating for families if they want to use it. A pew or two reserved at the back for those families that are trying their best to not cause a distraction to the rest of the congregation can go a long way. Do not forget about a pew or two upfront. Being closer to the action, so to speak, helps keep children’s attention – even when they might be coloring an activity page (or attendance pad).
A third option is changing the pew where a person sits. This can sound like utter blasphemy to some, but it is often the simplest change needed. I have never walked into a congregation that does assigned seating. I have found when people get hearing aids they suddenly hear the sounds around them (including the talking children) that once were muffled. If it is too much of a distraction, picking a different pew to sit in is the easiest solution.
Download this front & back "Celebrating Children" card for your church by clicking on the photos.
It takes a community to raise a child. Many people know what it is like to have young children at church. It can make the best parent in the world self-conscious. So lend a helping hand. Welcome these precious gifts of God into the congregation. Let us be the hands and feet of Jesus in our actions and words.
In Christ,
Rev. Daniel Ross
Oklahoma District Evangelism Executive.
